Matt and I have been "not trying but not preventing" getting pregnant since earlier this year. We have gone back and forth on whether we would like to add to our family or not. Then when the tragedy of losing our niece happened earlier this fall, we realized how precious life really is and that we do not want to prevent any blessings God has in store for us. We knew then that we want more children, and not just one more. Those of you who know me, know that when something as big as adding to our family is decided, it tends to consume me! But then my heart was torn... I didn't want to cause grief to my still mourning sister by announcing that we were seriously trying. My head was saying "you can't do this right now" and my heart was saying "I really want to grow our family". I was constantly looking at the calendar, stressing. We have to get pregnant this, this or this month, or we will have to stop trying for a few months because I don't want to be due on Desi's birthday or due date... it wouldn't be fair to Desi or the other baby. I would call my best friend, who lives 20 hours away, crying, asking for prayer, asking for reassurance. Finally I realized that I was wearing myself out for nothing.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Not only does God call me not to worry, but also to have faith in His timing.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
So I have had to let go of my controlling attitude, and let God do what He wants for our life. I need to love on the two children I already have and continue to pray for Meagan and Derrick. God knows not only when Matt and I will be ready to welcome a new baby, but also when Meagan will be ready. And with that my heart and mind are at peace.