Thursday, November 29, 2012

A Happy Medium

I have a confession... I have recently fallen prey to something I swore would NEVER enter my life, the worst four letter word I can imagine... D-I-E-T. Gasp!

I have never had an issue with weight, and at this very moment I am still comfortably inside the "suggested" weight range for my height and build, but I have not been happy with my body in a while. When the baby weight did not come off quick enough for me, I decided it was time to cut out sweets and carbs. Do you know where that got me? Even more unhappy and ashamed. Not ashamed because I was eating "healthier" but because for the first time in my life, food became the number one thing on my mind. Is it because of my inching closer and closer to 30? Is it because I know I will never look the way I did when I got married, before three kids? Is it because I fear I won't fit the image people expect from a fitness instructor?

This is insecurity at its finest folks, where a comment from my three year old (asking if I have a baby in my tummy) sends my emotions straight down the toilet... Where I get defensive when my five year old asks me why I hide in to closet to get dressed now... Where my husband asking to take me shopping sends me into a rage because I don't want him to see the double digits on my jeans. Yes, I have allowed Satan to creep his way into my life via my own self worth. Well from this point on I am giving it to God. I don't know what the happy medium actually looks like... I am sure God wants us to care for these vessels he gave us, but I KNOW he doesn't want us to turn it into an idol in our lives. I have to end this cycle before it begins, after all I have these two watching my every move.

I want them to realize how fearfully and wonderfully they were made.

1 comment:

Fonda said...

You are beautiful, inside and out. It does take the baby weight longer to come off after don't distress. It has only been (less than) 4 months! Remember it took you 9 to put it all on.